confused
hurt
disappointed
frustrated
alone
I've been lacking ambition. I've been lacking motivation. I've been having mood swings.
Just totally not feeling like myself.
I can blame it on hormones or find another excuse, but reality is that this is something I struggle with quite often. Randomly I start to get these depressing emotions. They are hard to shake off and last longer than I would like. These overwhelming emotions start to worry me. I worry I'm not giving Ethan enough attention, I worry I am letting my husband down, and I worry I'm not doing enough housework. Which can sometimes send me into a deeper depression.
I have found that when I start to feel like this, it's when I start to think a lot about my past. I start to question a lot of things, wondering why?
Why did I have to go through those situations?
Why am I so different from everyone else?
Why can't I just find a place to fit in?
Why, why, why....
It's not that I feel sorry for myself, it's more that I want to put these things behind me, but I can't. I want them to stop affecting how I feel and how I perceive myself. I so desperately want to move forward, but things in life take me back. Events happen and it brings back the memories. Brings back what makes me so different from everyone else. Brings back the pain caused by so many hard situations.
Something has been different about how I'm dealing with the depression this time. I'm starting to deal with it in a different way. Instead of leaning on myself or others for help through the depression, I've been leaning on God. I've been praying to Him for help and for guidance. I've been putting perspective on my past and trusting in Gods plan.
Most importantly, I am realizing and reminding myself, God loves me, so maybe I can find a way to love myself; God doesn't judge me, so maybe it's time to let the past go and stop letting it affect my self perception; God knows why, and maybe someday he will guide me to find those answers.
Trusting in God has help and comfort me in more ways than in the past.
If you are feeling down remember,
God loves you
God doesn't judge you
God knows why
And I hope this too, will help and comfort you.
19 comments:
Thank you for this post. I struggle with depression everyday and never speak of it. I have drafted 20 or so posts to talk about it hoping that just putting it down on paper will help. Always to ashamed I never post or often times delete what I have written. Thank you for not only reminding me that I am not alone but that maybe actually hitting post on my drafts would actually speak to someone like me out there.
Thank you so much!!
This is a wonderful testimony to your faith. I pray that the Lord will give you a peace that passes all understanding about all of this.
I am so blessed by this post. Thanks so much for sharing your heart. I'm a new follower and I already feel like we could be the best of blogging buddies :) Thanks again for your words. You are a beautiful lady that God has special plans for. Give yourself some grace today and feel really lucky that you have awesome hair!
I struggle with this too. Your not alone. I'm so happy for you that you are looking to God, though. It's so comforting knowing that he holds each tear, that He has the same emotions and hates whatever happened to you more than you do.
I have past mistakes, and things I'd love to take back. If you ever need to vent, or someone to talk to, I'm here for ya :)
Thanks for being so real. Posts like this definitely speak to people and I'm sure it is exactly what many people needed to hear today.
Thank you so much for this post. I could have written every word of this myself. I've never been diagnosed as depressed but I do see those tendencies in myself. It can be a real struggle some days to feel good. I often worry that I'm not good enough. A good enough wife and mother and Christian. I try to give myself over to God but it's a real struggle sometimes. Again, thank you for this!
xo, Jaimee
Lisa, I too struggle with depression and I'm really proud of you for praying through it! I always find it harder to pray when i'm going through a "spell" and I dont know if it's out of stubbornness or just losing motivation. I don't know what you've gone through, but I have gone through some things that God has spoken through other people that I needed to move on from, and I can tell you it look me over a year to fully heal from it but WOW did I feel sooooo refreshed once I had let it go. I'm always here if you want to talk :)
xoxoxox
Love this!! I had a post similar to this today too!!
http://moda-chic-boutique.blogspot.com/2012/05/much-needed-positivity.html
My husband has told me that my past does not need to dictate my future. He's so right. We both know that we have a lot in common, some of the darkest things, so know that I am sending you love and hugs RIGHT NOW!
such an amazing testimony to what the Lord can do. praise God! and bless you. you are awesome!
God does have a perfect plan for your life, even when things seem dark & dreary. {{hugs}} to you, Lisa!
I'm sorry to hear what you're going though. It's something I know a lot a bout as I've go through exactly the same feelings and just wrote a blog myself about overcoming it earlier in the week, check it out if you want http://past-the-past.blogspot.com/2012/05/you-can-never-completely-forget.html
Can I ask, what did you go through? You can email me privately at littledeerphotos@hotmail.com
I was abused in many ways from an early age on through my teen years and started a blog about overcoming your past. It helps to talk about it and I'm always here if you need to talk even tho you don't know me.
On another note I LOVE the outfit you have on in the first photo!!
I hope you can overcome this depression and just know that you are the best you can be, you're a wonderful person, great mother, and wife (we get all that from your blogs) and your faith is great. Faith helps a lot of people and your story makes that a strong case.
You're amazing, don't forget that!
So glad I read this. I don't know if you've ever read any of my posts on depression...how tormenting it is, it can still creep up on me. It actually tried the other day...
But like you , I've learned to stop holding it in,but depending on God, because when we are weak, his strength is Then made perfect.
You should read my Crazy Beautiful post today. Everything in it actually stemmed a lot from God just completely loving me and wrapping his arms around me and letting me know how precious I am and how he created me on purpose w beauty and purpose.
I'm so thankful for my heavenly father and his sweet reminders:)
XOXO
thanks for this. :)
I'm so sorry that you have been dealing with this, but I love that you are starting to turn it all over to God. You will be in my prayers!!
I am a new follower, but honestly know how you feel and have dealt with this for quite some time now. Trusting in god is hard but helps, he is with us always, even though it may not seem that way. Another thing that has helped me is writing down everything that I am feeling in these moods, sometimes multiple times, and then burning them up or flushing them.
I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way :( I miss you so much and wish that I could be there with you to listen whenever you need an ear. I'm still here over skype if you ever need me. I totally know how you feel, I found strength the same way, and I know that you will get through whatever it is that you're going through with God's help. The footprints poem is always one that leads me in the right direction.
Miss you so much
I struggle with these emotions often myself. Thank you for having the courage to share. You are a remarkable woman an your faith is inspiring
Thank you for your honesty and openness in this post. I've experienced these same feelings even lately. Thank you for the reminders sweetie!!
PS - gonna send you my "Me Time" interview tonight :) we still on? XO
erin
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